chúc mừng aapi heritage month

it's the last week of may, and all month -- and basically all of my life -- i've been thinking a lot about what it means to be asian and furthermore asian american. this past semester, i have been working with a professor on a project that focuses on culture. in the process of reading loads of research articles and compiling them into reviews and my own ideas, i've been forced to reflect on my life experiences growing up as an aa. personally, i'm grateful for the woke community of aapi's in this generation who can balance the trauma and humor of our cultural upbringing all in a series of tiktoks and dramatic posts. in all seriousness, i love being asian american. it took a long time to get to where i am these days.

i remember in elementary school and all the way through high school, teachers and some of my peers being so fascinated with my ethnicity. growing up in a suburb that was 99.9% white, i didn't really see how different my experience was from theirs. i didn't really understand racism, until middle school when 1 person made fun of me, but even that i saw it more of a personal attack than being racist. in high school, i encountered more awkward situations. still, i hadn't realized it was microaggression; i just thought the people who made those remarks we just socially awkward or stupid. growing up surrounded by white people, i was taught that i was the strange one. spending so much time with my family was strange. eating food that required us to shop at different grocery stores was weird. not being able to sleep over at my friend's house was bizarre. this mindset that portrayed my culture as 'the other' made me feel uncomfortable and even ashamed of being asian.

thankfully, this took a 180 when i started college at a university in one of the densest metropolises in the country. i was constantly surrounded by people from everywhere in the continent and people from opposite sides of the globe. conversations were happening in ten different languages, and then i felt it. or more accurately the lack of it. for the first time in my life, no one stared at me. i hadn't realized until that point how wrong it was for people to stare when i was the only asian person or minority for that matter in the room. it was liberating. many of my new friends happened to be aapi, which was rare during my childhood. i had friends who had experienced similar childhood experiences, and from them i found strength and empowerment. it was with my new friends that i started to see my culture as a part of my identity that i was proud of. it allowed me to connect with people on a different level that no amount of american-ness could. i grew more interested in learning about my ethnicity and cultural heritage. at first, i thought joining a student association would make me feel more out of place. i didn't speak my birth language very well anymore, and all those years of resisting my culture had caught up to me. however, i quickly found that a lot of people were in the same boat as me. they understood the struggle of growing up asian american. they understood what it felt like when their parents mentioned "cai dép". they understood the joy of a red envelope or the smell of fresh pho.

being asian american has definitely presented some challenges. sometimes i am not "american enough" for white people and not "asian enough" for asian people. people expect a lot out of minorities to uphold their cultural backgrounds and beliefs. most days i end up feeling 100% asian and 100% american. sometimes it's exhausting. there are difficult questions asked. there's a stance i'm asked to take. and in the midst of it, i still get dumbass questions like "where are you from from?" or shitty compliments like "your complexion is exotic". i'm not a bird. i'm a person. despite all the hardships, i wouldn't change who i am. i love what my culture has taught me, and the deep sense of connection i have with my people's history and the lived experience of aapi people like me. it's probably the community i am most proud of identifying with. aapi people are resilient. they've been through a lot; just read any book. there will always be people who tokenize us, underestimate us, and belittle us, but we're a strong group. we lift each other up and move from trial to trial with grace. we laugh things off, we don't pity ourselves, and our culture runs deep.

no matter what your cultural background is, when we embrace the good parts -- even if other people think it's weird -- it will be to our own benefit. seriously, it's scientifically proven that people who are aware and stay true to themselves thrive physically, mentally, and socially. so be proud. happy aapi month!